Are Women Safe, in India?

At a Toastmasters event that I was part of recently the main topic of discussion was about the safety of women in India. What surprised me was the opinion of many people especially women, that India was among the safest countries for women. Maybe it is a sense of patriotism that made them say that. But, well the truth couldn't be any different. So I decided to go a little deeper into this topic and based on the research I had already done a few months back, but was too lazy to post, I have put together my views. Read On….

Being in the 21st century, with technology and world so advanced, we still talk about this subject, “Are Women Safe, in India, especially?” Every citizen has to realize that – ‘Women are NOT SAFE by any means in India’. There have many cases that have been reported and many unreported for the torture a woman undergoes, yet there has been nothing done to change the law or the system to the way a woman is being looked at.

Women have been advancing, progressing and have proved that they can beat men in any sector they are in. Be it sports, arts, science, politics, service or for that matter anywhere, she has stood at par with what a man could do. Yet, she still fights for equality.

No matter what, the old thoughts and upbringing culture still lay cluttered in the minds of men that women should not be above men, but below them. It is sad to understand that women are the better halves of the society, yet they are the ones who face the maximum tortures in many ways in their lives

One of the main reasons of violence against women is the mentality which deems women inferior of men and merely limits their importance to the maintenance of the household, the upbringing of children and pleasing their husbands and serving other members of the family.

Even in today's times of modernization of society, many working women are still subjected to immense pressure to shoulder the dual responsibility of a housewife and a working woman simultaneously with little or no help from their husbands.

It is the same mentality which, some generations ago, used to think of women as mere objects of attaining sexual pleasure and a servant of the husband, who was considered "parameshwar" which literally translates to "supreme God".

Even today, leave alone villages where people are uneducated, the educated society or who claims to be in the high class society, opts for abortions of girl child! The only reason that they state is “It is expensive to bring up a girl child.” How ridiculous? The system has to be changed right from the roots.

When a girl child is born, the first thought is, the parent has to make dowry to get her married off. Aren’t men and their families ashamed to ask for dowries even today? Do they survive on the money from the girl’s house?

From inside the womb, till her death, a woman is always faced with danger. In the womb, the chances of being killed, even before seeing light, when being born and growing, she faces harsh brutalities like molestation, abusing, physical and mental tortures and above all a heap of workloads and in old age, just abandoned and still being opened for more brutalities till death. What a life? One has to understand, women are also human beings. They also have the same thoughts, desires, and dreams and feel the same pain that men feel. How could they just be taken for granted?

We all know the Delhi Rape Case. (Dec 16th 2012) The most brutal rape case ever heard. There were nation-wide protests, debates, and candle lights, everything done by the public to punish the criminals. It took 9 months for the accused to be convicted and sentenced even when there was strong evidence against them. This is how our judicial system works. But atleast justice was delivered in this case, that is a change for a start.

Although it was a most heinous case of cruelty, it is ironical to note that such incidents are not actually rare in our country. There are several such cases happening everyday where females (from infants to old ladies, from upper middle class women in metro cities to Dalit women in villages, the list can be endless) are subjected to horrendous sexual torture by lustful men who are, in most cases, known to the victims. One cannot generalize the victims or those guilty of sexual crimes in India; they come from all strata of society and from every part of India and belong to all the age groups.

The judicial system has to change. Making stringent laws is necessary to ensure that the guilty in such cases get the punishment that they deserve and don't walk freely due to the weak provisions or loopholes of the existing laws. But asserting that stringent laws will be able to curb male sexual overdrive in India cannot be justified.

Unlike the cases of sexual molestation registered in police stations, there is a large portion of women in India who are subjected to rape and other forms of sexual assault on a daily basis and still their cases go unnoticed.

These women are the unfortunate wives who have to indulge in sexual intercourse with their husbands even if they don't want to (non-consensual sex is nothing but rape). They don't actually have a say in front of their husbands when it comes to sex, they have to comply with the needs and demands of their husbands.

Another category of such women who are bound to indulge in sexual activities against their wishes are the hundreds of thousands of sex workers in India who are visited by numerous men every day and even tortured by many of their clients. They are compelled to do as their clients say as they have no other means of feeding themselves and their children other than selling their bodies to the sex-hungry men of India.

Serious consideration and changes in laws for these kinds of brutality and exploitation has to be brought about. Corrupted officers should be thrown out and punished as an example and efficient ones to be bought in. Action has to be taken, without looking at face and rules should not be bend for certain classes. Definitely, it would have an impact and the thought of “I can get along, no matter I do” thought would come to a stop. Law should neither favor some, nor be exploited by others. Such laws have to be bought about.

Strong and stringent laws are definitely necessary as the existing laws have proved to be inefficient in ensuring swift justice and appropriate punishment to the guilty. But the actual need of the hour is a revolutionary change in the mindset and conscience of Indian men so that they stop seeing women as objects of sexual pleasure. More than women empowerment what we need is to educate the men how to control their wild urges.

And most importantly, the marriage concept of dowry system or demanding for more from the bride’s family should be bought to a stop and that could be possible, when the groom stands for his bride and makes his family understand. It is not money that matters all the time; a good life partner is what your son should have. 

Changes do not take place soon or easily, but if each one of us join hands in every possible way that we can and start to make little changes within the family from today, it would gradually get implemented and there would be a better society that respects and understands women, at least for our next generation and generations to come. Women could walk around freely, without the fear of being attacked at anytime, anywhere. To end it I would like to repeat the words of one of our judges for the event, “India will be a safe country the day I can allow my daughter to go out without any fear.”

My first Starbucks experience!

Starbucks is considered like the ultimate coffee experience. So when I passed by the new Starbucks café in Bangalore, I decided to give it a try. This special day I discovered the turned out to be a Sunday. A closer look and I realised that getting inside the café was a near impossible task atleast for a few hours as the queue of people waiting to get a taste of the special nectar from the coffee beans extended a few blocks down the street.  Well my mouth fell open seeing the queue. The queue reminded of the people waiting to buy alcohol outside the liquor shops in Kerala. Guys this is just another café selling coffee and they are not selling the nectar of immortality. I had to return back disappointed.

                                                  

Determined to have taste of the Starbucks cuppa, I decided to visit the café again the next day. And this time I was lucky.  There were just few people waiting. So I joined the queue. It was indeed a good gesture by them to serve the eager java seekers a taste of some of their special brew in the form of small complimentary shots. It did taste really good.(when was anything free ever bad? ;-)) While waiting for my turn I ended up downing 3 glasses of their complimentary drinks. Geee!

Once we reached the counter, my friend and I, we ordered our drinks and snacks. I decided to go for a Hot Praline frappe and Double meat sandwich. While my decided to go for something cold. A cold caramel coffee and a veg rolls.

I eagerly wanted to get my name written on my cup and when the guy at the counter wrote my friend's name on both the cups, I was irritated. How could the guy deny me the opportunity to see my name on my Starbucks cup??? I asked the guy to get me a new cup with MY name on it. Finally there it was! A Starbucks mug with my name on it! Yesss!!!

Despite all this excitement, we had to wait a few more minutes to get a table to sit. Well neither of us were coffee drinkers. So I really cannot comment on the taste of the coffee we ordered. But yes it did taste good. :-)

Then when I bit into my double meat sandwich, I tasted heaven! That was easily the best sandwich I had ever had. Trust me on this. The sandwich was filled with Chicken, sausages, beef, egg, cheese and mayonnaise. (Definitely not something calorie conscious people should try.) This is a meat lovers' delight. I savored every bite of it. Though the sandwich like the coffee cost a fortune, it was worth every penny spent. 

After treating our taste buds, while leaving we spotted some souvenir mugs. So I decided to get a Starbucks India mug as souvenir. On the whole, my first Starbucks experience was worth savoring, specially for the sandwich. :-) 

 

The One You Cannot Have

Haaa... It's been so long since my last post. An IT job really gets you lazy!
Well what prompted me to get back to my blog is this contest by Westland for Preeti Shenoy's new book TOUCH (The One You Cannot Have). Love the acronym. She being one of the my favourite authors and such a sweet person that she is, I couldn't help participating.

So this is the prompt for this week's contest: If I could have anyone I choose as my 'forever friend'/ 'life partner' , I would choose........

Well I have quite a few friends. But I have lesser friends whom I trust than the number of fingers on one hand. When people break your trust more than once, you start losing trust in people and think twice before trusting someone again. But I have one such friend whom I can always count on and trust blindly. I can confidently say that no matter what happens she will be there by my side. although our friendship just four years old, we know each other better than anyone else. In fact, she knows me better than I know myself. People often mistake us to be going out but we really don't mind what others think, our friendship comes first to us.
We share a few likes in common but as individuals we are poles apart. The last thing you will see is the two of us agreeing on a particular topic. There is always an argument on, which means fights, quarrels and bloated up faces. But at the end of the day, I know that she will be there for me. It's not simply that they say, "Opposites attract".
She has been the reason for many of my achievements and success. She has been the reason I didn't give up on many things half way. She has been the reason for many of my happy memories.
I can be myself in front of her. I don't need to put on a fake smile. Many a times I take her for granted and do not treat her in the best of ways, mostly unknowingly. My bad. She always complains about this. But then she just keeps getting better at being my friend. When she is around I feel like I can go the extra mile and achieve what might be difficult. She trusts my abilities. She brings out the best in me. I guess I can't ask for more than this in a friend. I am lucky but to others I would say she is "The One You Cannot Have!"
Good times or bad times, we will be friends till the sun rises in the west.
So if I could have anyone as my 'forever friend', I would choose 'My Miss. BFF.'

Can we human beings really forgive a murderer?

It is not everyday that death is celebrated. Hence, the hanging of Ajmal Kasab marks a very important chapter in the history of Indian judiciary. This also raises an important question. Should capital punishment be given out so rarely? Many kind hearted people and hordes of human rights groups will raise their voice against this kind of punishment being meted out. But again is it really such a cruel punishment?

The victims and next of kins of the deceased from the 26/11 attacks acclaim that justice has been delivered to them through the execution of the terrorist. But what about the families and dear ones of the innumerable ones who have been murdered brutally by fellow countrymen? Will the maximum punishment of a life sentence given out by our Indian judicial system bring peace to them? Are we human beings really so generous when it comes to forgiveness? Then what is the difference between the Almighty above and his creation below? If the whole point of life sentence to such criminals is to punish them by providing them an opportunity to realize their crime and repent, what about those who lost their lives to the brutal acts of these death eaters? Don’t they deserve another chance to live as well? Why this partiality? Where is their second shot at life?

Just because Mr.Ajmal Kasab was a terrorist from Pakistan and took the lives of many, we wanted him to be hanged. But what about those heart less criminals from our very own country who still walk on the roads freely after raping and killing women brutally? Such crimes have become daily news now. Still the steps taken aren’t enough to reduce these crimes. Or is our government really taking any steps with regard to this matter? Suggesting mind baffling ideas such as getting girls married very early is not a solution.  

We say that capital punishment is inhuman. So is the act of murder. The Arab countries are probably the only countries where real justice prevails. Due to the fear of such harsh and strict punishment, crime rate is also lower in these countries. An eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind but think of it this way. Would you be at peace and glad if the person who killed your loved one is still living when he clearly doesn’t have the right to? Would you still vouch for human rights? I am sure even the most humane of us would not answer in the affirmative for this question.

Our Indian judicial system is filled with loop holes providing criminals with every opportunity to escape. When will these loop holes ever get covered? While dreaming to be a super power and get the tag of a developed nation, it is necessary to have an efficient judicial system where the defaulters of the law are penalized heavily. Only the fear of harsh punishments will bring down the crime rates. I am not saying that every murderer should be sentenced to be hanged. No. Every case must be treated on its merit and the circumstances under which the crime was committed needs to be analyzed and only those who deserve nothing less than death for their crimes should be sentenced to be hanged till death.

Birthday Reflections...

Another  birthday comes along. It's just another day. But your birthday is the time you are supposed to feel special. It's your day! It's also a day to reflect on how your life has been and how lucky you have been to celebrate another year.  Well I have been a very lucky guy. Very grateful to God Almighty for all the blessings he has showered me with.

First of all I am very lucky to have a family like mine. My mom and dad are the best in the world. Like Shahrukh says in OSO, "I feel like the king of the world." What I am today is because of them.  My every success belongs to them. When I see and hear about parents of my friends and how conservative and strict they are, I realize I am living a life of luxury. My parents have allowed me to live my life the way I want. They have always let me make my own choices and supported me all the way through. This I feel has helped me a long way as I have been able to decide and make decisions myself without depending on someone else (although I need my dad or my mom most of the time to make the final choice and I can still never choose a shirt myself). This has made me independent and face whatever comes confidently.

It took me 18 years to realize how much I love my parents. It's only when you are away from your loved ones that you realize how much you love them. Well my parents have never deprived me of anything. I have got what I have wished for most of the time. Makes me feel like a true prince. Contrary to what most of my friends think, I am not from a super rich family but my dad has always strived to give me the best. Be it the Samsung S3 I am holding right now or the laptop I am typing this post on, I have always got what I wanted. Maybe slowly, but surely.

My parents have never questioned me on the money I spend. They have never asked me where I spend all the cash. And believe me I am a huge spendthrift. Give me how much ever cash and it will be gone in no time. This trust of theirs, that I will not go on the wrong path is what I love. My father happily puts forward his glass to me when he is having a drink. This is cos he knows that I hate its taste or that I will never take more than one sip. How cool is it to see your dad offering you a drink gladly? My dad is cool.

When I left home for college for the first time, my parents were a little concerned initially cos I have always been a kid (not that I have grown now). But it was the faith and confidence that my father had on me that actually helped me pass my 4 years in college without falling into bad company and without touching a single drop of alcohol or smoke. I was able to stand strong on my belief that one doesn’t have to booze or smoke to enjoy life and have fun. I did enjoy my college life. I visited lots of places in these 4 years, met lots of people and done crazy stuff. All within my limits. Very few people can compete with me when it comes to the number of certificates and accolades I have won. I was able to organize a world class event. I was able to win in some of the most prestigious institutions in the country. I was able to complete my engineering degree without a single arrear and I was able to land a job in a top notch company. You might sense some pride in my voice now. But that is not my voice. It’s my father's voice that you can hear the pride in with his held high. Trust me when I say, the satisfaction you get when you see your parents' face brimming with pride and happiness because of you, there can be nothing better than that.

I have been a very naughty kid and have thrown a lot of tantrums. I used to get beatings from my dad till very recently. But I hope somewhere down the line I have been a good son. Hope I can keep my parents happy and proud in all the years to come. That's my all time birthday wish.

Well looking back at the last one year. It's been a great year. I truly enjoyed my final year in college. I am now a certified engineer and have started working in one of the best IT companies in the world. I was fortunate enough to meet some distinguished personalities in the last one year. One thing that I will always remember is the TEDx event that I was part of. It was my dream event and I am grateful to all the people who helped me make this dream come true. I had a rocking time on the beaches of Goa and a delightful few days in Delhi. All in all a fantastic year.

The saddest part of this year was the loss of a dear friend. Will always miss him and still find it hard to get rid of the image of his family grieving.

Hope the next one year of my life is a very eventful and a cherish able one. Thank you all for your prayers and wishes… God bless… Cheers!!!

7 Lessons i learnt from TEDxSonaCollege

Lessons I learnt from TEDxSonaCollege that I would like to share with other TEDsters:
      1. Plan well in advance: If you have the idea of organizing a TEDx event, its better you plan the event months in advance. 4 months would be a good time. Make a plan of even the smallest details. Never leave anything for the end. Get things done as fast as possible. This will reduce a lot of confusion and tension as you approach the event day.

             2. Approach speakers early and have backup speakers: Make a list of speakers you think you can approach. Do this after finalizing the theme of your event. From the list first approach a set of speakers. Wait for their reply for a maximum of two weeks and then approach the remaining speakers if needed. It is always advisable to get a confirmation from speakers and also have a set of speakers whom you think will accept your request as back up. No matter how much confirmation you get, never rule out the possibility of speakers backing out at the last minute. Two of them ditched us at the last minute. Luckily we could cover up for one of them.
        3. Advertise and publicize your event from atleast 45 days before the event day: Many people are unaware of TED and TEDx. They think it’s similar to a normal college symposium. So advertise your event well. Put up posters at important places. Use newspaper as a medium for promoting your event. But if you are getting a lot of demand for tickets, then have a procedure of registration in place and sell tickets only to those who think deserve it. Make people aware of TEDx through your fb page, website, twitter etc. by posting amazing videos and providing more info.     
      4.  Have a good set of people as organizers and be a strong leader: Only include those people in the organizing team who you think will bring some value. Team selection is crucial. You don’t want a bunch of people who will promise things and not deliver. Be a strong leader. Be ready to get harsh if needed. Your priority should be to get the work done in time. So always a good idea to have a dedicated set of people.
         5.Approach sponsors well in advance: Once you are ready with a rough draft pf your event, start looking for sponsors. Its going to be really difficult to get sponsors keeping in mind the stringent rules of TEDx. So approach whoever you can. Explain about the event and their profit clearly. Even small amounts received can help you a great deal. If you have contacts, use them. That will be the best way of getting some funding. Also try to get in-kind sponsorship like food, hotel rooms, travel etc.
        6. Videography: Go and meet your videographer a few days prior to the event. Show him a few TED videos and explain to him how you want the video to be recorded. The last thing you want is your TEDx videos getting screwed. I just hope my event videos come out in proper quality. Fingers crossed!
        7. Hospitality: You are not paying your speakers here. So take good care of speakers’ needs. Make sure the hospitality is excellent. Provide them with good stay and travel. Also it would be really sweet to give them some gift or mementos after the event.

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The event that changed my life....

What is it that we feel when we achieve something that we dreamt of or really wished with all our heart? Is it a sense of achievement? Happiness? Or a feeling to show off and tell the people who were against you at some point of time to **** off? Or is it just calmness and peace? Well I have felt all these feelings at different points of time.  When a team that I support wins, I feel like showing off and shouting out to the world. Sometimes, its happiness which passes away very quickly.

But after the success of TEDxSonaCollege, of which I was the licensee and curator, all I felt was peace after a long time. This was an event I had put all my effort and time into. I had put my heart and soul into it. It was an event I dreamt of making successful. I wanted it to be the best event the college had seen. I wanted to provide a quality TEDx event. The event was successful in many ways. But it wasn’t joy or the feeling to jump in the air that I felt. But it was just content and calmness within that I felt. Difficult to explain the feeling. It’s true that God rewards hard work if you have put in your best and I can vouch that it’s true after the TEDx experience.
I had always been a big follower of TED talks. When I was in my second year in college, TED India was held at Mysore in 2009. I so badly wanted to attend it, but the membership fees was too high for a normal person’s pocket. Then came TEDxSalem which was conducted in college by my seniors, but I couldn’t attend it again. It was a small scale event but a successful one. This year a few final year students from my batch decided to apply for the license of TEDxSonaCollege. This was a group of perhaps the best students in my final year batch. We applied for the license in February in my name. The licensing process took a while and we had given up hopes of holding the event since our exams were in April. We finally got our license granted in April. Time was a big constraint for us. We had to do all preparations for the event between our exams. We held an organizers meeting and I realized that the zeal and enthusiasm that these people showed in the beginning was missing. But anyhow, I wasn’t letting this opportunity pass. I decided to go ahead with the event plans, come what may. Three people who made this event possible –Mr. Balachandar, our staff-co-ordinator; Maitri, an organizer and me ofcourse. We literally planned the whole event and did 80% of the work.  Got to thank the other organizers for the remaining 20%.

Then our final exams started and people got busy. Assigned work was not getting completed on time. I realized that I did not want to get into the good books of people or be sweet. I had to be a little harsh and rude. So I did become and people started hating me. My only goal was holding a quality event with quality speakers. We contacted a few potential speakers and in a few days got replies from them. My excitement had no bounds when we got a confirmation from all the speakers we contacted for the event. The first hurdle was crossed.
Then came the big headache of garnering money for the event from sponsors. Getting sponsors in a small city like Salem where people are not so aware of TEDx was a challenge in itself. But in the end we were able to collect more money than expected through sponsorship. Thanks to Maitri again. I realized how important it was to have contacts.
We made arrangements for the speakers’ travel and accommodation. We ordered mementoes for the speakers. We wanted to make sure the speakers loved our event and felt happy for being there. TED auditions at Bangalore came up a few days before the event. We met organizers of other TEDx events in India. This turned out to be crucial. We were able to get help from some of these people and we also got a couple of people who were interested in being a part of our event.
Preparations were in full flow and my sleepless nights continued. The amount of stress and anticipation I had during this time was unparalleled. I could not devote my full concentration to my exams and as a result my exams did not go the way they should have. But that did not bother me much. All I wanted was the event to be a landmark in the history of the college. And it did.
In the week leading to the event, we had new problems cropping up everyday. Two speakers cancelled their availability at the last minute, gifts for the attendees would reach only on the morning of the event, the stage and venue was in a mess and tickets were not getting sold. In spite of all this we were able to overcome these hurdles.
The event went out smoothly. Audience was happy. Speakers were happy. Management was happy. What more could I have asked for? Sure things could have been better. But this was a success to be cherished. I could finally sleep peacefully at night. Thank GOD!!!