Respect Women...

"Of all the evils for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex (not the weaker sex)." - Mahatma Gandhi

I feel very amused when people react in one way to incidents of harassment, rape, discrimination etc etc. against women and then later on are very much a part in judging women. A woman gets raped in some city and we feel sorry and feel pity for the state of our country. Now at the same time a girl wears clothes considered to be sexy or talks freely with a guy and she is termed slutty by these very people. How is that?

Some intelligent souls blaming the way a lady dresses for the way she is treated is outright ridiculous. When a man has the freedom to dress the way he wants why doesn't the fairer sex? Women are the fairer lot so the way they dress actually adds that charm to their personality. I definitely don't consider wearing a short skirt or body hugging clothes provocative enough to go and rape her or pass ugly comments. It is about what is comfortable for her. If this was provocative, then every single one of us would be serving sentences for murdering that idiot who doesn't follow traffic rules or that pesky neighbor who interferes in your life. Life is about control. Provocation is out of question. What is even more disappointing is some women actually supporting the view that a woman should dress up in a way keeping in mind how freaky men would behave. And by agreeing with this, they are actually supporting the argument that men are not wrong for their actions. One dresses up the way one wants according to one's comfort. Every guy wants 'good looking' girls to talk with him and get close and casual. But if the same she talks freely with 5 other guys then she is not moral anymore. Seriously what the hell? I feel a sense of rage every time some guy sits and judges a girl. Irks me.

If you look at Indian men, there are those who indulge in eve-teasing. Then there are those who accompany a girl all the way to her house late night, just to make sure she reaches home safe and sound.

There are those who treat women like objects. Then there are those who look up to their sisters, female friends and wives for advice and guidance.

There are those who beat up their wives and go out and get drunk every night. Then there are those who accompany their wives for hours of endless shopping and return home willingly every evening just to have a quiet dinner with the family.

There are those who discriminate against not-so-good-looking women. Then there are those who take care and look after their wives, female friends, or any woman in their circle no matter how she looks, just because she is a woman.

There are those who touch women inappropriately. Then there are those who hold hands while crossing the street, walk on the traffic-side of the road, are vigilant of inappropriate behaviour towards their female companion in crowds, and shield the woman from rain, sun and wind, just to make sure she is comfortable.

There are both kinds. The media highlights some, and they should be highlighted, and they need to be straightened out. But let's not forget the positive side of the Indian male psyche too. We do have gentlemen after all. Let's acknowledge them and treat them as well as they treat us.

A lot of people will say that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn't tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I have to say. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing – or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body.

And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Dude, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

As a give-away let me emphasize that it is extremely important to change our views and perception about women if we want to reduce crimes against women in the country and make it a safer place. Men should learn to respect a woman for whatever and however she is. She has as much freedom as any man to do what she wants. Just because she has breasts doesn't mean she is inferior in any way. Being physically overpowering doesn't give any man the right to press his will over her. Every woman is different and yet so similar in many ways. The way they dress up, the way they use make-up, the way they talk, the way they think, the way they do anything differently from men is what makes them adorable and lovable. I agree that ladies are tough to handle but the world would never be a better place without them. Right now women are like an endangered species and they need to be protected, nurtured, respected and loved.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.

Ultimately, it’s what you want.

So all the men out there change your thoughts today and try to transform a lecherous man you come across again.

Are Women Safe, in India?

At a Toastmasters event that I was part of recently the main topic of discussion was about the safety of women in India. What surprised me was the opinion of many people especially women, that India was among the safest countries for women. Maybe it is a sense of patriotism that made them say that. But, well the truth couldn't be any different. So I decided to go a little deeper into this topic and based on the research I had already done a few months back, but was too lazy to post, I have put together my views. Read On….

Being in the 21st century, with technology and world so advanced, we still talk about this subject, “Are Women Safe, in India, especially?” Every citizen has to realize that – ‘Women are NOT SAFE by any means in India’. There have many cases that have been reported and many unreported for the torture a woman undergoes, yet there has been nothing done to change the law or the system to the way a woman is being looked at.

Women have been advancing, progressing and have proved that they can beat men in any sector they are in. Be it sports, arts, science, politics, service or for that matter anywhere, she has stood at par with what a man could do. Yet, she still fights for equality.

No matter what, the old thoughts and upbringing culture still lay cluttered in the minds of men that women should not be above men, but below them. It is sad to understand that women are the better halves of the society, yet they are the ones who face the maximum tortures in many ways in their lives

One of the main reasons of violence against women is the mentality which deems women inferior of men and merely limits their importance to the maintenance of the household, the upbringing of children and pleasing their husbands and serving other members of the family.

Even in today's times of modernization of society, many working women are still subjected to immense pressure to shoulder the dual responsibility of a housewife and a working woman simultaneously with little or no help from their husbands.

It is the same mentality which, some generations ago, used to think of women as mere objects of attaining sexual pleasure and a servant of the husband, who was considered "parameshwar" which literally translates to "supreme God".

Even today, leave alone villages where people are uneducated, the educated society or who claims to be in the high class society, opts for abortions of girl child! The only reason that they state is “It is expensive to bring up a girl child.” How ridiculous? The system has to be changed right from the roots.

When a girl child is born, the first thought is, the parent has to make dowry to get her married off. Aren’t men and their families ashamed to ask for dowries even today? Do they survive on the money from the girl’s house?

From inside the womb, till her death, a woman is always faced with danger. In the womb, the chances of being killed, even before seeing light, when being born and growing, she faces harsh brutalities like molestation, abusing, physical and mental tortures and above all a heap of workloads and in old age, just abandoned and still being opened for more brutalities till death. What a life? One has to understand, women are also human beings. They also have the same thoughts, desires, and dreams and feel the same pain that men feel. How could they just be taken for granted?

We all know the Delhi Rape Case. (Dec 16th 2012) The most brutal rape case ever heard. There were nation-wide protests, debates, and candle lights, everything done by the public to punish the criminals. It took 9 months for the accused to be convicted and sentenced even when there was strong evidence against them. This is how our judicial system works. But atleast justice was delivered in this case, that is a change for a start.

Although it was a most heinous case of cruelty, it is ironical to note that such incidents are not actually rare in our country. There are several such cases happening everyday where females (from infants to old ladies, from upper middle class women in metro cities to Dalit women in villages, the list can be endless) are subjected to horrendous sexual torture by lustful men who are, in most cases, known to the victims. One cannot generalize the victims or those guilty of sexual crimes in India; they come from all strata of society and from every part of India and belong to all the age groups.

The judicial system has to change. Making stringent laws is necessary to ensure that the guilty in such cases get the punishment that they deserve and don't walk freely due to the weak provisions or loopholes of the existing laws. But asserting that stringent laws will be able to curb male sexual overdrive in India cannot be justified.

Unlike the cases of sexual molestation registered in police stations, there is a large portion of women in India who are subjected to rape and other forms of sexual assault on a daily basis and still their cases go unnoticed.

These women are the unfortunate wives who have to indulge in sexual intercourse with their husbands even if they don't want to (non-consensual sex is nothing but rape). They don't actually have a say in front of their husbands when it comes to sex, they have to comply with the needs and demands of their husbands.

Another category of such women who are bound to indulge in sexual activities against their wishes are the hundreds of thousands of sex workers in India who are visited by numerous men every day and even tortured by many of their clients. They are compelled to do as their clients say as they have no other means of feeding themselves and their children other than selling their bodies to the sex-hungry men of India.

Serious consideration and changes in laws for these kinds of brutality and exploitation has to be brought about. Corrupted officers should be thrown out and punished as an example and efficient ones to be bought in. Action has to be taken, without looking at face and rules should not be bend for certain classes. Definitely, it would have an impact and the thought of “I can get along, no matter I do” thought would come to a stop. Law should neither favor some, nor be exploited by others. Such laws have to be bought about.

Strong and stringent laws are definitely necessary as the existing laws have proved to be inefficient in ensuring swift justice and appropriate punishment to the guilty. But the actual need of the hour is a revolutionary change in the mindset and conscience of Indian men so that they stop seeing women as objects of sexual pleasure. More than women empowerment what we need is to educate the men how to control their wild urges.

And most importantly, the marriage concept of dowry system or demanding for more from the bride’s family should be bought to a stop and that could be possible, when the groom stands for his bride and makes his family understand. It is not money that matters all the time; a good life partner is what your son should have. 

Changes do not take place soon or easily, but if each one of us join hands in every possible way that we can and start to make little changes within the family from today, it would gradually get implemented and there would be a better society that respects and understands women, at least for our next generation and generations to come. Women could walk around freely, without the fear of being attacked at anytime, anywhere. To end it I would like to repeat the words of one of our judges for the event, “India will be a safe country the day I can allow my daughter to go out without any fear.”