"Of all the evils
for which man has made himself responsible, none is so degrading, so shocking
or so brutal as his abuse of the better half of humanity; the female sex
(not the weaker sex)." - Mahatma Gandhi
I feel very amused when people react in one way to incidents
of harassment, rape, discrimination etc etc. against women and then later on
are very much a part in judging women. A woman gets raped in some city and we
feel sorry and feel pity for the state of our country. Now at the same time a
girl wears clothes considered to be sexy or talks freely with a guy and she is
termed slutty by these very people. How is that?
Some intelligent souls blaming the way a lady dresses for the
way she is treated is outright ridiculous. When a man has the freedom to dress
the way he wants why doesn't the fairer sex? Women are the fairer lot so the
way they dress actually adds that charm to their personality. I definitely
don't consider wearing a short skirt or body hugging clothes provocative enough
to go and rape her or pass ugly comments. It is about what is comfortable for
her. If this was provocative, then every single one of us would be serving
sentences for murdering that idiot who doesn't follow traffic rules or that
pesky neighbor who interferes in your life. Life is about control. Provocation
is out of question. What is even more disappointing is some women actually
supporting the view that a woman should dress up in a way keeping in mind how
freaky men would behave. And by agreeing with this, they are actually
supporting the argument that men are not wrong for their actions. One dresses
up the way one wants according to one's comfort. Every guy wants 'good looking'
girls to talk with him and get close and casual. But if the same she talks
freely with 5 other guys then she is not moral anymore. Seriously what the
hell? I feel a sense of rage every time some guy sits and judges a girl. Irks
me.
If you look at Indian men, there are those who indulge in
eve-teasing. Then there are those who accompany a girl all the way to her house
late night, just to make sure she reaches home safe and sound.
There are those who treat women like objects. Then there are
those who look up to their sisters, female friends and wives for advice and
guidance.
There are those who beat up their wives and go out and get
drunk every night. Then there are those who accompany their wives for hours of
endless shopping and return home willingly every evening just to have a quiet
dinner with the family.
There are those who discriminate against not-so-good-looking
women. Then there are those who take care and look after their wives, female
friends, or any woman in their circle no matter how she looks, just because she
is a woman.
There are those who touch women inappropriately. Then there
are those who hold hands while crossing the street, walk on the traffic-side of
the road, are vigilant of inappropriate behaviour towards their female
companion in crowds, and shield the woman from rain, sun and wind, just to make
sure she is comfortable.
There are both kinds. The media highlights some, and they
should be highlighted, and they need to be straightened out. But let's not
forget the positive side of the Indian male psyche too. We do have gentlemen
after all. Let's acknowledge them and treat them as well as they treat us.
A lot of people will say that a woman should watch how she
dresses so she doesn't tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I have to
say. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is
your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is
wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes
because of what she is wearing – or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the
victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full
control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes.
Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body.
And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes.
She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify
women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort
to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object.
The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your
humanity.
There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you
will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to
get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to
protect men from themselves. Dude, you are better than both of these. A
woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You
should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a
fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she
needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.
As a give-away let me emphasize that it is extremely
important to change our views and perception about women if we want to reduce
crimes against women in the country and make it a safer place. Men should learn
to respect a woman for whatever and however she is. She has as much freedom as
any man to do what she wants. Just because she has breasts doesn't mean she is
inferior in any way. Being physically overpowering doesn't give any man the
right to press his will over her. Every woman is different and yet so similar
in many ways. The way they dress up, the way they use make-up, the way they
talk, the way they think, the way they do anything differently from men is what
makes them adorable and lovable. I agree that ladies are tough to handle but
the world would never be a better place without them. Right now women are like
an endangered species and they need to be protected, nurtured, respected and
loved.
A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious.
Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and
experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her
confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest
bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the
weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite.
I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but
with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see
a human being.
My hope is that changing how you see women will change how
you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.
Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of
being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as
other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.
Ultimately, it’s what you want.
So all the men out there change your thoughts today and try
to transform a lecherous man you come across again.
